It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she’s 97 years old and we don’t know where the hell she is.
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
 I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks.
Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
 I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
 I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
 The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
 And last but not least: I don’t exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.