1. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience!
2. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
3. If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.
4. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
5. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
6. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
7. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
13. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away two weeks before you need it.
14. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
15. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
16. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.