Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned
• No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
• When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
• If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
• Never ask your 3-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
• You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
• Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
• Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
• You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
• Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
• The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandpa’s lap.
Great Truths Adults Have Learned
• Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
• Wrinkles don’t hurt.
• Families are like fudge… mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
• Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
• Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
• Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
Great Truths About Growing Old
• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
• Forget the health foods. I need all the preservatives I can get.
• When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you are down there.
• You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you used to get from a roller coaster.
• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
• Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
• Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.