The eyes are the 2nd to go… I forget the first…
I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once — or twice.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.
What is a "free" gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
They told me I was gullible … and I believed them.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
My weight is perfect for my height – which varies.
I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
The speed of time is one-second per second.
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn’t a horse.
Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
If you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything.