• The dog lives here. You don’t.
• If you don’t want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
• Yes, she has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What’s your point?
• Of course she smells like a dog.
• It’s her nature to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff hers.
• I like her a lot better than I do most people.
• To you she’s a dog. To me she’s an adopted daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly. I have no problem with any of those things.
• Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes, don’t need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups.
• The same applies for cats, except they will ignore you… until you’re asleep.