A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender he dares have only one beer. The bartender asks him what the problem is, and he replies
"The last time I came in drunk at 3:00 A.M. my wife was so bent out of shape we damn neared ended up in divorce court."

The bartender replies
"I’ll you what, all you have to do is give her an extra special treat and she’ll forget her little difficulty with you."

"Such as?" asks the man.
"Do you ever go down on her?"

The man replies,
"I really can’t bring myself to do that, and, in fact, the mere thought of it makes me sick to my stomach!"

"I’d get over it if I were you," replies the bartender.
"Just think, she’ll be so grateful and no matter how loaded you are you won’t be all stressed-out trying to keep it up and end up resorting to soft-packing."

"I’ll give it a try. And now, get me a double Manhattan!"

Our hero stumbles in the house blind-drunk and having a hard time containing his guts. "I’ll get this over quick and hope not to upchuck all over her." he thinks.
"I don’t EVEN want to see it," he tells himself and so goes into the bedroom without even turning on the light and dives straight under the covers at the foot of the bed.
The response is incredible!

Our hero’s response is an incredible wave of nausea so he rushes into the bathroom where he sees his wife sitting on the toilet taking a tinkle.

"I don’t know how you beat me in here," he says,
"but be quick! I’ve got an emergency!"

"Shut up you damn drunk," she hisses.
"Your mother’s in there trying to sleep!!"