"In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."-Woody Allen.

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."-Rodney Dangerfield.

"Ah, yes, divorce…from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’sgenitals through his wallet."-Robin Williams.

"A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two peopleremembering the same thing."-Duane Dewel.

"When you see a married couple walking down the street, the onethat’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad."-Helen Rowland

"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America…The rest cheat in Europe."-Jackie Mason

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in thehope of pulling out an eel."-Leonardo Di Vinci.

"I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t likeand give her a house."-Lewis Grizzard.

"I’m the only man in the world with a marriage license made out towhom it may concern."-Mickey Rooney.

"I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her."-Rodney Dangerfield.

"The difference between divorce and legal separationis that legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."-Johnny Carson