Malcolm

Malcolm: Miss Wilson can I go to the loo?

Miss Wilson: In two minutes Malcolm. Do your alphabet first.

Malcolm: Ok Miss Wilson. abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz.

Miss Wilson: Very good, Malcolm, but where’s the p?

Malcolm: Miss, it’s running down my leg!

Free Jokes

Eclipse it
Moms Driving
Goat and Goldfish
Two candles talking
Snowmens breakfast
Snowman and a vampire
Snowman and a vampire
Santas helper depressed
Popular wine
Monkeys at Christmas
Jack Frost
Happens at Christmas
Gives presents to fish
Gigantic polar bear
Christmas money
Christmas birthday
Father Christmas wins
Father Christmas resting
Christmas in the garden
Father Christmas
Early Christmas shopping
Claps at Christmas
Christmas trees
Christmas in England
Cat on beach
Candle and thirsty
Burn a candle down
Bald man at Christmas
Baby sharks
An apple
Afraid of Santa Claus
A Christmas rhyme
Women like condom
Expensive knickers
Those Darn Kids
Soldier and the Poodle
Confucious Quotes
Daddy Aborigine
You stay here
The box says you
Best time
Those Darn Kids
Stone Surprise
Checkout Conniption
Phone Call
Wrinkled Riddle
Wizard Wonders
Windows 666
Wacky News
New Fall Season
Tupac Shakur
Trekkies Love
Tony Blair Peter Jennings
Flood Film
Rikers Death
South Park
Smurfette
Silly Boy
Soul Train
Sesame Street Meets
Sauron the Moron
Roseanne
Ron Howard
RIng of Power
Replacing Vanna
Ray Charles
Raggedy Ann and Pinnochio
Princess Di and Thomas
Piss Off Winnie
Pinocchio and Splinters
Pink Floyd
P Diddy on a Diet
P Diddy I D
P Diddy
Osamas Favorite Movie
Orgy at Never Neverland
Deserted Island
Nude Beach
NSync on Survivor
New Version of Playboy
New From Mattel
Clever Name
N SYNC vs Bucket
Musicians and Lightbulbs
Murder Mystery
Mozart Beyond the Grave
Movie Theater Mayhem
Movie Prices
Moby Dick
Mistaken Identity
Mimes
Minnie and Goofy
Mickey and Donald
Michael Jackson and Casper
Mel Gibson
Meg Ryan
Marv Albert
Martha Stewarts Holiday
Mariahs Buhbuhbirthday
Madonna Britney and Christina
Madonna and a Convertible
Long With No Hair
Lizzie Grubman
Little Mermaid
Little Kid
Laffin Smurfs
Kemosabe Waters
Joke for Limeys
John Wayne
Jacko Christmas
Hulking Mass
Lord of the Rings
Peter Pan Fly
Favorite Ice Cream
Hollywoods Motto
Hollywood Lessons
Hogwarts Expulsion
Harry Potter Stays Back
Harry Potter Sequels
Hannibal Ls Snack
Guitar Playing
Gravity Defying Tequila
Elvis vs Jesus
My Dear Jerkface
Eyes Wide Shut
E T
Duct Tape
Drooling Drummer
Donations for Dee Dee
Cubist Poo
Charlie Brown
Celebrity Computer Viruses
Bruce Willis
Work Together
Boy Bands
Barbie
Backstreet Boys vs Possums
Backstreet Appearance
Ally McBeal
Alexander and Kermit
A Good Mystery
How late does
A tourist in Vienna
The Seattle Symphony
When Mozart passed away
Wrong notes
When the drumming
Vocalists mothe
Violinist poem
Violinist play vibrato
Violinist and handkerchief
A scud missile
Violas and violins
Viola promotion
Viola player
Two guys
Two fleas
Tuba not office
Tuba range
Tuba players
Tuba player lightbulb
Tuba for
Trumpet to play fff
Trumpet players
Trombonists new job
Trombonist on stage
Trombonist calender
Trombonist at you door
Trombones in the sea
Trombone sound
Trombone player lightbulb
Trombone player
Throw a piano
Three trumpet players
History of the orchestra
Tenor sax
Synth player
Symphony phonecall
Symphony performance
Subdominant
tring bass and timpanist
String bass and a cello
Sound of a clarinet
Soprano speed limit
Soprano outside
How many sopranos
Soprano lightbulb
Soprano and a Jaguar
Slow and stop
Single drummer
Singer in the morning
Singer and a terrorist
Short intermissions
Saxophone lover
Saxophone and baseball
Sax players lightbulb
Sax and a chainsaw
Two sax players
Santa Claus
Salesmen talk
Roses on your piano
Remove half a brain
Rabbit and snake
Put down a sax
Professional drummer
Producer lightbulb
Playing in Messiah
Play a banjo
Piccolo in unison
Pianist like lightning
Perfect pitch
Origin of life
Organists lightbulb
Oboe and onion
No pipe organ
Need roadies
Musician and a mutual
Music theorist drunk
Mozarts chickens
Most important
Minor second
Mezzosopranos lightbulb
Loud trumpet solo
Lost drum stick
Locked keys
Little drummer
Level stage
Least used phrase
Lead singer
Late band
Kid in the playground
Kenny G
Johnny the vilolinist
IQ test
IQ heaven
Horn solo
Horn players lightbulb
Horn divine
Hookers favourite
Hangs around with
Hang around
Half a brain
Guitarist lies
God and the conductor
Giant and mouse
French horn kisser
Free jazz trumpet
Flute players lightbulb
Flute key
Female vocalists
Electric guitarist trick
Dyslexic drummer
Drumsticks on the dash
Drumming in heaven
Drummers more bains
Drummers walk into
Drummers dictionary
Drummer or frog
I grow up
Conductor in hell
Conductor buried
Conductor becomes hitman
Conductor and condom
Clarinetists lightbulb
Clarinet cases
Chiropodist and a drummer
Chiropodist and a drummer
Call a baritone player
C melody sax players
Bull and an orchestra
A woman
10 a pound
Brains for sale
Best use
Bell on a clarinet
Beethovens grave
Bassoon and a trampoline
Conductor lightbulb
Confuse a drummer
Bass player off
Bass player lightbulb
Baritone player
Banjoist demands
Banjo sound
Banjo player IQ test
Banjo player
Banjo and chainsaw
Band director
Bagpipers march
Bagpipers lined up
Bagpiper question
Bad solo
Bad drummers
Augmented
Alto lightbulb
Alto and tenor
Accordion trouble
A recording session
A drummer and coffee
Yo Daddy Is So Bald
Yo Daddy
Got No Mama
The Alabama Lottery
Womans Watch
Need Drivers Licenses
Why Do Men Float
We Cause Blindness
Ways to Say
Urinalotta Trouble
Two Middle Easterners
Twinkie Insult
Insult The Elderly
Top 10 Party Games
Tight Assed
The Stick
Man With One Brain
Halloween Costume
The Comeback Supremo
The Bakery Called
The 20 Disses
All Over the World
Tell Me Everything
Surf is Up
Support Group
Staring Insult
Smallness
Slip Into Something
Slap
Too Fat
Signs you are
Shorty
Sexist Pig Joke
Sell Your Ugly Body
Say It To
Santa Schnap
Russian Beauties
Roseanne
Roadkill
Republicans in Heaven
Red Sox Humor
Pumpkin
Preferential Treatment
An Insult
Brand New Bag
Poopy Insult
Policeman
Pickmeup
Perspective Insult
Personal Inaccuracy
Parking Meter
Diddy
Obese Michigan Mammas
No Speaking
New York State
Marble
Lesbians Diets
Length of Sleep
Jumpin Jumpin
Jackass
Italian Stallions
Is That Your Face
Insults
Insult
Cow Attraction
In the Groove
Get It
Human Race
How Tall
How Smart is Zach
Harvard Yale
Harvard Graduate
Harley Hoover
Hannibal Lecter
Have A Purpose
You are So Flat
Get What
Gas for Brains
Gaptooth
Furniture for the Fat
Frank Pete
Forget Me Not
Ford Cars
Flying A holes
Farting into
Face 2 Face
Employee of the Month
Doorknob
Dog Butt
Dirty Old Man
Cruel Joke
Can not Cook
Butts
Breaking the Mold
Brain Insult
Borschtbelt Zinger
Thing About Iowa
Baldness
Bald and Penis Like
Backyard
Baboon Face
Ape Face
60 Things
411
Couples
A Kid Is A Nerd
Go Fish
A woman puts on
A large woman
A fat lady
An apple
Wacky News
Strip joint
Newfie terrorist
Newfies fishing
Drinking milk
Two quadriplegics
Tampax string breaks
Quadrapelgic in a hole
Quadraplegic in a catapult
Quadriplegic in a mailbox
Photocopier
Milkman in high heels
Man with two coats
Man who wears coat
Lady with one leg
Judge with no thumbs
Gay teletubby
Four bull fighters
Sparky
Democracy and Feudalism
Cadillac drivers
Bommerang
Abortion in Prague
A woman with
Wrong with me
Two sharks
Two asprin
Snake and a limp
Silly Dopey
Nervous Bank Robber
Little girl
Leg for Christmas
Kinky or pervert
Wellington Boot
Happy Dwarves
Ghost teacher
Gay stool
Constipated mathematician
Condom and coffin
Cinderella on Pinocchio
Butchers Bet
Asking for a raise
A great writer
New From Mattel
Lesbians Diets
Eyes Wide Shut
Employee of the Month
Clams Casino
Bald and Penis Like
Ally McBeal
60 Things
Wrinkled Riddle
Urinalotta Trouble
Man With One Brain
Stone Surprise
Smurfette
Raggedy Ann and Pinnochio
Pinocchio and Splinters
Pickmeup
P Diddy on a Diet
Deserted Island
New Version of Playboy
Moby Dick
Laffin Smurfs
Joke for Limeys
Joining the Colony
Hulking Mass
How Smart is Zach
Eyes Wide Shut
My Dear Jerkface
Big Beautiful Ass
A Sweet Ass Story
60 Things
2 Brooms
Logical but Twisted
Airplane Blonde
Blonde Daughter
The Funeral
Speedy Recovery
Chili Contest
The Gift of Life
Diets
Women Pass Less Gas
Wizard of Oz
Winnie the Pooh
No Golden Goose
What is That
What is Black
What is LXIX
What a Dump
Studying Hard
Ways To Annoy
Watch Where You Step
Warm and Moist
Visiting Grandma
Very Robust Zacklies
Vampires in a Bar
Vampire Date
Two Middle Easterners
Turtle Soup
Troubled Man
Trapped Inside
Topless Fat Woman
Toothbrush Salesman
Bathtub Conversation
Three Girls
Think About It
The Toothbrush
The Poopie List
A man with
The Perils of Flatulence
The NEW Poopie List
The Leper
Too Big
Last Southern Virgin
The Inscrutable
The Injured Thumb
The Fly
The Drunk
The Dough Boyz
The Day Owl
The Cross Eyed Cow
The Blue Eye
Really Nasty
Not What I Meant
A Buncha Bull
That Fly
Teachers Pet
Your Ass
Taking Out
Switch
Stuttering Problem
Straight Leper Flush
Still Together
Star Trek
Split Up
Spider Diet
Devoted to Mom
Socks
Snot
Smoke It
Smart Pills
Skin Canoes
Sits in the Forest
Red Narcissist
Sheep Boy
Sharper Than a Ginsu
Sex On The Beach
Scratchy Lottery
Runny Noodle
Rump Roastin
Round and Round
Roadkill
Rhyming Riddles
Rhoids
Rejected Greeting
Red Ring
Really Bloody Mary
Shower
On Your Organ
Prune Pizza
Pretty Hair
Pinocchio and Splinters
Piano Solo
Peeing Leprechaun
Pee Up A Rope
Hot Revenge
Parakeet Cereal
Painting A Wall
Osama Crabs
Stinkin Proof
Obese Michigan Mammas
Nudist Camp
Nailing Osama
A Tragic Story
Monster Valentine
Moleasses
Maxi Pad
Math Is SO Sexy
Malcolm
Lunch Anyone
Lukes Saga
Lose 20 Lbs
Gives to the Sick
Little Green Balls
Like Midgets
Late Cannibal
Lady At the Bar
Lab Monkeys
Kleenex
The Bottom Line
Joystick
Joke Written
Jiggle
Jeffrey Dahmer
Jack and Jill
Not For Him
Invisible Carrots
Interesting Appearance
Incontinent Vegetarian
In The Navy
If Ever You
Got Shingles
Pissed Myself
Like My Brother
Hot Dog
Hormonally Yours
Honda
Hiney Bubbles
Hide the Duke
How does
Having to Take
Happy Birthdead
Hamburger Helper
Hamburger Helper
Halloween
Gum
Growing Old
Grossische
Grosser than gross
Grosser Than Gross Kiss
Gross Grosser Grossest
Gross Siamese Tongue
Gross Grandma
Gross Cornflakes
Grandmas Birthday
Good for the Heart
Gloves
Ghost story for tots
Genie wine
Genetics Gone Horribly
Fly Yi Yi
Flies on Poo
First Day Out
Fat Dude
Farting into
Fart Glossary
Elephant Tampon
Dump List
Dr Dre
Doorprize
Kick the Animals
Dollys Kids
Doe a Deer
Divine Flatulence
Dinners Ready
Dinner on the Road
Definition of Suspicious
Definition of Agony
Deernuts and Beernuts
Fourth Quarter
Dear Diarrhea
Deaf and Dumb Kid
Dead Blonde in Closet
Cuban Delicacy
Cow with No Legs
Corpsalicious!
Corn Flakes
Consulting Fun
Constipation
Constipated Accountant
Come Early
Closest Shave Ever
Church
Christmas Cookie
Christmas Carol Parrot
Cannibals
Canni Ball
Camoflauge Clothing
Butt Question
Bull
Bugs Mind
Bubba Died
Brown and Serve
Bravery
Granpa and Rover
Booger Wooger
Bloody Mary
Blondes and cow patties
Blind Skydivers
Black and White
Birdie Poem
Bird Brained
Bed Football
Beatles
Bear and Toilet
Be Careful
Banker
Baked beans
Fluffy Back
Archeological Gag
Apple and Worm
American Divorce
A Small Journey
A Prayer Before Dying
A Hooker
A man woke up
A Giant Problem
A Fart Smeller
Definite Definition
Daring New Position
A Brief Visit
6.9
Long and Stinky
Men 3 Wishes
Self destruction
Oyster shucker
Man in a hot tub
Make a milkshake
Make a disco
Guy at Disneyland
Epileptic in the bath
Epileptic
Elephants vibrator
Blue and does
The Genie
Ten Englishmen
Suits shirts
St Patrick
Queen and the Pope
Mastermind
Kissing in the dark
Confession
Car accident
Belfast confessional
Balanced earth
Yoko says
Yoko Ono
Worst thing during sex
World hunger
Woody Allens latest
Wing fell off
Why was he flying
Why did Kurt shoot
Who taught JFK Jr
White House lightbulb
Police discovered
Michael Hutchence make
What do you get
What color
What caused the plane
Weather forecast
Watergate and Zippergate
Washington Nixon
Was Monica lying
Chairman of the board
Victoria modelling
Val Doonican and Beckham
U N Position
Twelve pounds and
Three most dangerous
Thomas the Tank Engine
The wives of
Ted Kennedy has
Teaching golf
St Peter says
Spice World and Titanic
Spice girl with
Sonnys last film
Sonny wearing
Sonny Bonos eulogy
Sonny Bonos body
Sonny Bono can
Song about death
Sonny and Cher
Sleeping Beauty
Six legs six arms
Sinking boat
Sinatra to be cremated
Sinatra in perfect health
Janet Jackson
Schwarzeneggers search
Save Gary Glitter
Safe sex
Ronald Regan says
Rod Hulls last words
River Phoenix
Freddie Mercury
Rod Hull and Emu
Roach clip
Relaunch musical career
Red grey
Red and has more
Punish the kids
Read Kurt
Reaction to
Re unite INXS
Pushing vegetables
Puffy cheeks
Princess Di turns
Princess Di on radio
Princess Di and Freddie
Princess Di and
Presidential limo
Posh Spice on top
Posh Spice and Man
Posh Spice
Police make arrest
Paula Yates
Paul to Linda
Paul sing
Paul McCartney felt
Other kinds
Only two pallbearers
One last role
Not bringing
No to G Unit
No shower
No bookmarks
Nixon and Clinton
Newest Nirvana release
New product release
New national bird
New intern
New game
New car radio
Never eat anyting
Natural causes
Movie about
Mount Everest
Monicas statement
Certs spokesperson
Monica and Buffalo
Monicas favorite
Monica to sell
Monica not a
Monica met Hillary
Monica goes to
Monica and the rest
Monica and soda
O.J. Simpson
Monica and Ken Starr
Monica and Bob
Monica and Bill
Monica and Alaska
Moicans Resume
Middle East events
Hutchences last hit
Hutchence getting
Hutchence does
Linda McCartney
Lolo Ferrari died
Jim Morrison
Michael has Bob
Mercedes
Macauley gets married
Lost deadhead
Letter from Madrid
Left Bob Geldof
Learn to fly
Latest scandal
Last things Dodi did
Go through
Last thing Kurt said
Last meal
Last job
Last drink
Land of opportunity
Lady killer
Lady Di
Kurt on the TV
Kurt not a boxer
Kurt Cobains last hit
Wayne Bobbit
Michaelangelo
Freddie Mercury
Kurt Cobain and beer
Kurt and hockey
Kinky sex
Kennedys vacation
Kennedys miss
Kennedys lightbulb
Kennedys fear most
Kennedys flying motto
Keep Monica away
Joke on the president
John Lennon
JFK Jr drinking
Instead of
Indian Curry
If Diana
Hutchence and Di
Hillary wanted a dog
Hillary supporting
Hide things
He did it his
Harold Shipmans curry
Harold Shipman dead
Harold Shipman
Grim Reaper to Lolo
Grim Reaper gets
God to Grim
Gary Glitters holiday
Managing England
In a clothes store
Gary Glitter and whiskey
Gary Glitter and acne
Gary Glitter
Gary Glitter
Franks condition
Four legs and goes
First thing
Emu
Elton sang
Elton John tribute song
Driver been drinking
Dodi says
Difficult to fire Monica
Diana buried or not
Prince William
Decent Spice Girl
Deadhead out
Deadhead fly
David Beckham
David and Posh
David and his puzzle
Cremate her
Could not go out
Concealing evidence
Coming back to England
Cobain and his record
Clintons worst nightmare
Clintons new dog
Clintons interns
Clintons first words
Clintons favourite bird
Ingredients
Clinton said
Clinton on trial
Clinton on Air Force
Clinton not playing
Clinton had protection
Clinton gets a dog
Clinton campaigning
Clinton builds
Clinton and screwdriver
Choosing a composer
Chance for President
Cartier watch
Best cure
Prosecute Clinton
Drive convertibles
Broken legs
Pick up line
Monicas testimony
Bill says after sex
Monica out
Clinton was the
Bill Clinton sale
Clinton finished
Clinton and Titanic
Clinton and his dog
Clinton and Disney
Bill Clinton
Bill and Monica
Bill and Hillary
Best thing
Best cure
Beasts Speak
What is grosser
The Truth
Green Giant
Treatise
Shoulda Gone
Salesman Farmhouse
Mirth
Mailmen Get
Join the Club
Johnny Big Head
Immaculate Pop Hybrids
Going to
Funny Apple
Front Stabber
Farmers Tractor
Little Johnny
Crazy Old Man
Capon Fear
Brunette
No Shorts
Endless Possibilities
I Love You
A lawyer dies
A Horse
A Cat
12 Inch Stud
Superman and Australia
Good Sport
English beer
Australian with
Australian lover
Australian foreplay
Three sisters
Matter of wisdom
Thorne
A woman at bar
Brushes himself off
Saturday morning
Typical memory
A man and neighbour
Two elderly ladies
My brother
Maurice
Two elderly couples
Three old timers
85 year old widow
An old man
Little old lady
An older couple
An elderly couple
Three old ladies
Elderly gentleman
3rd floor flat
Man Woman Antartian
Pass
Confuse antartican
Throw the clock
Currency exchange
Sneeze irritably
The sales woman
Delighted
John and Dick
Harry
An antarctican
Mrs Liventhals
Bag of light bulbs
Dave and Tom
Small rural town
Antartian busy
Spectacular act
Satisfied
3 or 4 coats
A contractor
Sort of an act
Travel Agent Office
My new horse
Antarcticans
$40
Lady
U F O
Ladies and Gentleman
Mad men
Admission is free
Boston to New York
Wells Fargo Bank
Daddy
Two cowboy ranchers
911
Guidance Counselor
Two Antartians
An idiot
corner store
Lunatics
A ventriloquist
Boss and Employee
3 men
A father and son
Two buddies
Ohio River
The hole digger
A couple
Sherlock Holmes
A court jester
Fedit cheeni
A pigment
American coins
The robber
Pasadena
Place like Home
Place like Home
Two vultures
Two young skunks
Quit
Vacuum designer
The Sheriff
Four bass players
A family of skunks
Never criticize
Farmer Emmitt
An award
The pharmacist
A Montana sheep
Sandy McTavish
A motorist
Texan and Mainer
New York family
Lawyers office
A city slicker
Larry and Susan
The farmer
Three legged chickens
Railroad tie
Gillette
Excuse me Miss
The glass
I had a rose
So happy
Did it hurt
The stars
11 roses
Are you tired
My birthday
Tennessee
Lucky Charms
Bandaid
Campbells
Lost in your eyes
One free
Occupation
Guilty
Prisoner
Odor
Heckling
Burglary trial
Cross examining
A defendant
A New Yorker
Moon to Sun
Small Medium
Bob Hill and his wife
Two atoms
Investigators
Poet and scientist
The two inventors
Martha Stewart
I am a gentleman
He buys two cases
A teacher
Bongggg
Unga Bunga
The priest
The Fear of all Sums
The Truth
Red Sox Humor
Pee Up A Rope
Marv Albert
Good Sport
Ford Cars
David Beckham
Bill Clinton
Parking meter
Doorknob
Tupac Shakur
911
Black and white
Yo Daddy Is So Bald
Support Group
Hannibal Lecter
Two fleas
Sherlock Holmes
Two fleas
An old man
Winnie the Pooh
Turtle Soup
The Fly
The Cross Eyed Cow
A Buncha Bull
Teachers Pet
Spider Diet
Sheep Boy
Round and Round
Rejected Greeting
Parakeet Cereal
Stinkin Proof
Lab Monkeys
Join the Club
Not For Him
Invisible Carrots
Replacing Vanna
Got Shingles
Dead Blonde in Closet
Blondes and cow patties
Blondes and cow patties
A great writer
A great writer
CAR ACCIDENT
MISTAKEN IDENTITY
Lawyers Office
Three old ladies
The Drunk
Elephant Tampon
Dog Butt
Cow with No Legs
Christmas Carol Parrot
Capon Fear
Bull
Bugs Mind
Black And White
Birdie Poem
Bear and Toilet
Apple and Worm
Alexander and Kermit