T’was the night before Christmas – Old Santa was pissed
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.
I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year
Instead of "Thanks Santa" – what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money – The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those a**holes from IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes – if that ain’t damn funny,
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days – they all are the pits!
They want the impossible …Those mean little sh*ts!
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads…
I made a ton of yoyo’s – No request for them.
They want computers and robots…they think I’m IBM.
Flying through the air…dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees.
I’m quitting this job…there’s just no enjoyment.
I’ll rest my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There’s no Christmas this year…
now you know the reason:
I found me a blonde…
I’m going SOUTH for the season