• Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
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• Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
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• You keep more food than beer in the refrigerator.
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• 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
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• You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
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• You watch the Weather Channel.
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• Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
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• You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
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• Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as ‘dressed up’.
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• You’re the one calling the police because those @#$%!# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
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• Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
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• You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
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• Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
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• You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s leftovers.
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• Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
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• You no longer take naps from noon till 6 pm!
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• Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
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• Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 am would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.
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• If you’re a gal, you go to the drug store for Ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
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• A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer ‘pretty good stuff’.
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• You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
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• "I just can’t drink the way I used to," replaces, "I’m never going to drink that much again."
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• 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
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• You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
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• You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one to save your sorry old butt. Then you forward it to a bunch of old pals and friends ’cause you know they’ll enjoy it and do the same.